Hey all! In observance of Throwback Thursday, I am sharing an oldie but goodie (I hope) from a little blog I used to write some years back. It is called Seasons of Change and it was my first foray into sharing my ideas out there on the internet. I thought it was only fitting to share it again that I am engaged in a full out assault on my flab. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been on the full out assault mission before, but am usually distracted by things like Extra Toasty Cheez-Its and Ben and Jerry’s. Often, I’m the picture of virtue for a few days (or hours) before my old ways resurface. There have been about 93 (or more) times I have vowed, with a deep cosmic vow to myself, Jesus and everyone around me that “this is it” and “I’m really doing it this time”. And I did, for a hot minute or three, only to have my efforts fizzle away into an oblivion of carbs and regret.
So again, and truly for the last time, I’ve had it. My word for the year is “FOCUSED”. I have a Garmin Vivofit, the MyFitnessPal App and a herniated disc that all tell me I not only CAN do it, but I MUST this time. I’ve been logging my food, packing lunch ahead of time, measuring and weighing what I am eating and generally being more focused and proactive about what I am shoving into my face. With serious back issues and an increased risk of Type 2 Diabetes (as the result of gestational diabetes and being overweight), I have to take back my Temple and do some renovations. For reals.
Here are my thoughts on the jail time that is living an extended period of your life overweight. It ain’t cute or comfortable, that’s for darn sure.
INCARCERATION: 8 WAYS BEING OVERWEIGHT IS LIKE BEING IN PRISON
I’m bustin’ out. No, not of my clothes, of the joint. The Clink. The Slammer. The Big House. I’m done being confined, squeezed, stifled and generally held back by my weight.
It occurred to me today that being overweight is a lot like being imprisoned. Here are 8 ways:
8. Seats. I mean, I once got stuck in an antique rocking chair, made in days when people were generally smaller, but still – that ain’t right. Also bistro chairs, airplane seats, other places like that you’d want to sit.
7. Clearance sales. It seems like the only people getting a deal on clearance are the smaller ones. Never any XXL sizes left, all just mediums, smalls and such.
6. Buffet lines. Who wants to be the chunky girl loading up her plate at a buffet? People look at you. They take note of your dinner and give haughty looks (real or imagined). Besides, they are diet suicide, designed to keep you in the “Big House”.
5. Stylish clothes. Just because I am bigger than other people doesn’t mean I am in my 60’s looking for giant floral prints and polyester for a cruise. I want to be cute and stylish like my other teacher friends who shop at the LOFT and look adorable all the time. I know that may sound vain, but who doesn’t want to look cute and stylish?
4. Shoes. Have you tried wearing skimpy pancake flats and being overweight? It hurts! Your feet! Your knees! Ouch! And it would be nice to wear heels without feeling like I’m putting 1000 psi on the ball of my foot.
3. Mammograms. I had my first one last year and they had to push that bad boy – er, girl – pretty hard. Would it hurt less if there were less to press? We’ll see.
2. Bathing suits. How many times did I sit on the beach in some skirty bathing suit that was pretending to hide something and wish I was frolicking and walking confidently on the sand by the water? How many times did I map the shortest route from my chair to the pool so nobody would see? Too many to count. SIDE NOTE: I’m realistic. I’ve had 3 kids so even if I am never bikini material (which is ok with me) I would like something less matronly than my Mom-Mom’s suits I remember from the late 1970’s in Wildwood.
1. Chub rub. For those of you who aren’t acquainted with the term, chub rub is when your thighs engage in thigh-to-thigh combat, generating friction and eventually brutal chafing that make your romantic strolls and other walking unbearably unbearable. Truthfully, no amount of powder or gel can solve it. The only solution is some type of Spanx-like contraption, which takes the “breezy and free” feeling of wearing a skirt in the summer out of the equation.
I resolve to continue to eat and move healthfully so that my confinement is limited and I serve a reduced sentence. Good behavior will lead to my release. I can feel it!
(Originally published at http://seasonsofchange73.blogspot.com/2011/07/incarceration-8-ways-being-overweight.html in July 2011)
Thanks for reading! I’m holding myself accountable by telling you all this and hope to report I am less of a woman than I was on January 1, 2017 by January 1, 2018. Happy New Year and Happy New Me (and YOU).